i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Hippo gnu deer
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
