There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
