it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
