I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
