you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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