i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
