she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
