she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
