They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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