Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Everyone says I win the strip club
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
