Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
