I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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