He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
