Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
