No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize