It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
