just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
