So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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