he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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