i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
did i walk over a car last night?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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