god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
