dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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