why didn't you poke me back
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
