Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you didnt know i had herpes?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you will always have a special place in my vag
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I had to cum in my sink.
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