worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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