Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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