i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
