hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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