I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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