I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize