Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
one might say we're banned from that church
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
