I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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