He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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