I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize