this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
