it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
