feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
