ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You smell like stripper and shame
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
