i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
