K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I can text with my tongue
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
