I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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