that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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