I'm pants shitting drunk right now
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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