I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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