We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
