I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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