Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
