i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
