I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My vagina just recognized that song.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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