Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
