I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
