Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize