if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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