you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
