I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
