Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How drunk are you?
Completed.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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