There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
