apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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