her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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