Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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