I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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