3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
