My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I had to cum in my sink.
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