Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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